I Don't Like to Talk About Myself

It's not that I'm a shy person by nature; the truth is I don't like to bore people. And that's what I do when I talk about myself. I'm boring.

I spend evenings one of two ways: goofing off or working. When I'm working it's on a new novel (nothing exciting to behold) and when I'm goofing off it's generally video games and TV shows (somehow more boring). AstroTurf has a more interesting life than I do.

My books? They're fun, funny, thrilling, exciting: they're exactly what my life isn't. I spend my days killing pests and my evenings writing about anything but my days.

Or goofing off. Can't forget goofing off.

I think about my boring life when I'm poking around dating sites. Yes, I frequent dating sites. I am become desperation, killer of expectations. I think about the about me section of my profile and I realize the about me is not who I am, but who I want to be. Dating site Aaron rides his bicycle, goes hiking, camping, but is okay with spending a quiet evening at home.

For real life Aaron, every evening is a quiet evening at home, planted in front of his computer, for better or worse, in rich or in poor, in sickness and in health. Real life Aaron hasn't touched his bike in months (I blame the weather) and hasn't gone camping in years.

Real life Aaron is boring. Because real life is boring.

But it doesn't have to be. I have a message for 2014: brace yourself. I'm coming.